I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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