I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish i was in the wii world.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
