They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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