i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
