I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
