my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
