Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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