Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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