id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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