Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
