I hate your face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize