At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
