Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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