I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
