Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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