i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
