the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
