Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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