She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
