she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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