I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
