Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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