ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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