If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
