we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
