I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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