My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize