All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
