Can i not drive my cunt home
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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