Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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