Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
