hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
