The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
