K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
