giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
