True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
