...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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