I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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