Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
