Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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