So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
