When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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