apparently the secret to your success is patron
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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