Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
