its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
