its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
