Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
