Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
