what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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