I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
