What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
