His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
