Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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