Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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