If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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