Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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