my mouth tastes like poor choices
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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