I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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