hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize