Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
