I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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