you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
