hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
