There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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