don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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