Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
someone owes me an orgasm
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
