I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
