Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize