Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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