do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
