2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
