I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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