you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
