im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
