you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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